Ever wondered what made grandma and grandpa’s marriage last and last, till death? How come they celebrated
their silver and golden anniversaries together as a couple, but our cousin’s marriage only lasted for one year?
What is the real difference between the marriaes of yore and the marriages of today? Why is the divorce rate so
huge in comparison to 40,50 or even 20 years ago?
Our great grandparents often got married via an arranged marriage. Although they did not know each other well
wedding day for the first time, yet their marriages lasted for years and they grew old together.
Marriages back then took place as quick as 3 to 6 months after the proposal. Taday, boy meets girl. Thay fall
madly in love. Then the dating starts. This period lasts for three, sometimes ten years before the couple finally decide
to get married.
In the “boyfriend/girlfriend” period, the couple is mesmerised by the fecade that life is as fake as the Hollywood and
Bollywood movies, where everything is “perfect” with everlasting romance. Little do the youngsters of today realise
that that life is much to just romance, passion and lust.
All human beings, male and female have good and bad qualities of which we have to learn to accept and live with.
Marriages are not only about chocolates and roses, but sheer hard work. In the beginning and everybody is so
accommodating, loving and reasonable. For the first few months, a Muslim marriage of today runs smoothly. Then,
like norm, disputes, difficulties and calamities crop up.
It is the usual part of the life for every marriage to experience disagreements and pronlems. Some couple are storng.
Alhamdullilah, and can manage to resolve these problem. Others however, unfortunately cannot handle it. Thus, a small
problem is stressed upon so much so that in turns into an ugly and major battle. And, in some instances, sadly leads to
separation and finaly divorce.
Today, it is found that more and more Muslim marriages are breaking up within the first year of their marriage. The
first five to seven years are the most challenging years of any marriage. It is during this period that couples are learning
to adapt to each other’s habits, personalities and ways of understanding to deal with certain issues.
It is here that the fantasy of a “perfect relationship” is put to rest with the reality of life. Patience (a virtue is
unfortunately lacking in most of us today) with each other is greatly required. Many Muslim couples enter into marriage
carrying their own set of problems of the past or present.
Some lack spirituality with Allah azza wajal. Spirituality often enables one to cope with any problem, come what
may, with grace and courage. Therefore, lacking spirituality makes it rather difficult to deal with problems more
efficiently.
In most newly married couples, one or both of the spouses, insist on having their way all the tome. This is where the
problem begins. One tends to forget that you are not in the marriage alone. You have a spouse who also has feelings,
disires, need and own opinions. Both partners have to exercise patience and forbearance with each other.
They should live solely for the Peasure of Almighty Allah and not for their own selfish desires. Besides these
avsent qualities, is the growing lack of value and repect for elders and their advice. Unfortunately, many young non-
Muslim peers or to the western world for advice and validation rather then to their Muslim elders and learned scholars.
Part of the problem is also a lack of Islamic education and spitual development.
Muslim must find a way to stem the tide of marital discord and divorce in order to preserve a healthy future for the
Muslim community. We must go beyond our current state of denial to recognize, that while Muslims are not immune to
marital problems, many of the problems we face can be prevented by learning and implementiong the teachings of
Islaam.
No community can survive and fulfil the responsiblity of raising healthy children when marriages break down.
Although many Muslim marriage may be experiencing a failed marriage and are perhaps thinking to rush toward a
divorce, there are many ways to put their marriage back on the right track if the husband and wife are sincere in their
desire to reconcile.
May Allah azza wajal make it easy for all of us. Ameen!
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